Using Nature As His Own Personal Toilet

 

It could be a blog post, a love poem, or maybe just his signature but David Jura just really likes it when other people write things for David Jura so that David Jura doesn't have to. Not that David Jura is lazy, he just has a lot of MW3 that needs playing. So David Jura thanks Steve Berry for taking time away from Steve Berry's own MW3 playing to write about what David Jura likes:

David Jura likes using nature as his own personal toilet. The sky's the limit when it comes to selecting a spot for the elimination of David Jura's bodily waste. David Jura uses trees, bushes, bodies of water, alleyways behind 7-11s, or even the sky itself. He would use outer space if he could but as has been previously estabished, the sky is the limit. 

You know when you feel that sudden spot of warmth in the pool? That's 100% fresh squeezed David Jura right there. Even if David Jura is not in the same pool that you are in, there is still David Jura's P in that OOL. And there is P OOP on David Jura's jogging route. Because sometimes nature calls, and when nature calls, David Jura likes to answer nature in the only way he knows how: with an unapologetic expellation of bodily waste. 

You Can't Do That On Television

David Jura likes You Can't Do That On Television and he thinks that there wouldn't be a Seinfeld if there wasn't a YCDTOT. Seriously. And if there was without, then it would have been more like Home Improvement. But since there was with, then you know that Moose grew up to be Elaine and Alasdair grew up to be Jerry and David Jura will let you figure out all of the other characters because David Jura is kind like that. 

And DJ, as David Jura likes to call himself when he is feeling particularly entitled, DJ would like you to know that without YCDTOT there wouldn't be a Curb Your Enthusiasm either. And DJ (David Jura, in case you've already forgotten) also would like you to know that Larry David, the writer of both Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm, was once a cast member on YCDTOT. Little known fact. But David Jura knows a lot of Little Known Facts.

He even knows some Little Known Facts that aren't in fact Little Known Facts. Some people call them lies, but David Jura calls those people who call him a liar unimaginative. And unimaginative people might do well not to read the blog that David Jura writes, the one that you are reading right now, the one called What Does David Jura Like? 

Hard Boiled

David Jura likes Hard Boiled by Frank Miller & Geof Darrow. What is it about? Who the fuck cares? Do you see these illustrations? They're so awesome that David Jura doesn't care if they cross over into the navigation of this website. 

LOOK AT THAT GUY! That guy is covered in glass and barbed wire. His fingers are broken in about 20 places. But does he care? Is he asking what the story is about? Is he asking if his picture is crossing into the navigation of this webpage? NO! All he cares about it killing the driver who just ran him through a concrete wall into a giant WWF-style orgy cage match. And he does. He kills that driver. No spoiler alert! 

David Jura told you already, the story of Hard Boiled is feather on a hat that spans like a thousand floors and each floor has like another thousand rooms with like another thousand things living in each of the thousand rooms and like each living thing has like a thousand uniquely drawn details. If there was any rationality left in the world then monks would be transcribing each detail of Hard Boiled like a holy illuminated transcript of the will of god!

Put it this way: if Second Life looked like Hard Boiled then David Jura would have paid the stupid monthly fee. But it doesn't and he didn't. But if he did then he would've and then there wouldn't be time for David Jura to write about how much he likes Hard Boiled. So thanks, Second Life, for being super lame and allowing David Jura the time to write these words. 

But thanks more to Hard Boiled for being about the awesomest thing ever made. Hard Boiled is so awesome that it deserves to be called the awesomest thing even though 'awesomest' isn't a word because nothing can be more awesome than awesome except for Hard Boiled (which we have established is the only known thing to be awesomer than awesome). At least, that is what David Jura says, and David Jura knows a thing or two about awesome, awesomer, and awesomest.

Gideon Kramer's Ion Chair

David Jura likes Gideon Kramer's Ion Chair. He thinks it is just about the best chair in the world. Lots of hobos prefer an Eames Shell Chair but a hobo would prefer anything to sitting in a wet dumpster or filthy railroad car, so it would be wise take a hobo's opinion on seating with a few grains of kosher salt. Especially since many Eames Shell Chairs are currently made with plastic. Plastic, can you believe it? David Jura can't.

Now if that same Eames Shell Chair was made of fiberglass and had a Dowel Eiffel base, well, David Jura would sit in it without much of a fuss. But if you really want to make David Jura's hindquarters quiver with joy, you'll seat him in an original Ion Chair from the original Space Needle restaurant. Ahhhhh, heaven!

True Blood Intro

David Jura likes the intro to True Blood. David Jura thinks it is the best intro to a show ever. He thinks it is about 1000x better than the show it is intro-ing! In fact, David Jura thinks it would be a better use of time to just watch the intro to True Blood 1000 times than watch a single drop of the show True Blood even once. And David Jura says that even though he thinks Eric is the best vampire ever and Sookie and Bill can suck it. 

Richard E. Grant

David Jura likes Richard E. Grant. No, David Jura does not know Richard E. Grant personally, though he thanks you for thinking that he is that type of person that would know Richard E. Grant personally. Only very, very lucky people (very lucky people) are ever given an audience with Sir E. Grant. However, you can be an audience member and watch a movie that stars Richard E. Grant. Like perhaps Withnail & I. It isn't even close to being anywhere near as good as being with the real thing. And by thing, I mean person. His person, specifically. What, with his lime-scented cologne, tweed handkerchiefs, and insect-like wit? 

But even a facsimile, even one sent through a dirty fax machine, is better than not having a dirty facsimile at all. Always lookin' on the bright side, he is. That is, David Jura is. Existing? Yes. But also looking on the bright side. Always. 

Babatunde Olatunji

David Jura likes Babatunde Olatunji. David Jura likes to listen to Babatunde Olatunji. David Jura likes to say the words Babatunde Olatunji. Say it. Say 'Babatunde Olatunji'. Did you do it? Did you say it? Why not? You don't like Babatunde Olatunji? Why don't you like Babatunde Olatunji? David Jura likes Babatunde Olatunji. And if David Jura likes something, so should you.